Disappointment

Ever been disappointed about something? In someone? In yourself?
Yeah. Me too.
     And sometimes I let my disappointment get the best of me and dictate my choices.
Today I was really disappointed about something. I had made big, exciting plans and then they fell through. All day it was like a shadow over my head. I usually don't make plans like this because I'm afraid of disappointment. Ever since I was young, my dad has told me taught my to expect the worst. He said I'd be less disappointed if I didn't get my hopes up about things.  Even when I tried out for Blue Band my sophomore year, he told me not to get my hopes up. I had already made it once.
     I realize that everyone has faced disappointments in their lives. In high school, I was hurt by my best friend. Ever since then, I have been very reluctant to enter into friendships with women because I don't want to be disappointed again. I find myself having a hard time trusting Tim because of hurts I've faced in past relationships. I've learned to hope for the best and expect the worst.
     But sometimes I let my guard down. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.  The highlights are higher, but the hurts hurt worse. Today was one of those days.  The thing I was disappointed about today really wasn't a huge deal in the grand scheme of things. It was just something that I was really excited about and when it didn't work out, it hurt. I was angry at the people who didn't get as excited about it as I did. And I was disappointed in myself for letting myself get so excited.
     I don't know the answer to this problem. Should I let myself get my hopes up? Or should I brace myself every time so that it won't hurt as bad if it doesn't happen? I do know that it's not going to go away. In the midst of a bit of a hopeless despair on my way home from work today, I was reminded that we live in a broken world. Disappointments are a symptom of that brokenness. There is only one person in my life who is never going to disappoint me. His name is Jesus.  I've been told this a lot in the last four years.  But I just don't know if I truly believe it in my heart.  I know that God has promised a life of complete fulfillment, but I'm not ready to make that leap of complete abandonment for Christ. I don't trust that I won't be disappointed. I live my faith like I live every other part of my life. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.  And I know that until I make that leap, I can't experience the lack of disappointment that Christ promises. Vicious circle? I think so.
    
     Goals for the week:

• See what the Bible says about disappointment.
• Don't let small disappointments affect my life, moods or choices.

Have a wonderful, disappointment-free weekend filled with the only one who will never disappoint!

One of Those Days...

Ever have one of those days where you get inspired by something random and one thing leads to another, and before you know it you've spent the rest of your night thinking about it? Today was one of those days for me. I was flipping through a magazine at my grandmother's house, and I came across an article about women whose dress is inspired by their faith. There was a Catholic nun, a Hindi woman, an Orthodox Jewish woman, a Muslim woman, and a fundamental Christian woman. Now, while I completely respect women who wear only ankle length skirts out of modesty, I just can't see myself doing that anytime soon.  What really inspired me about these women is the initiative that they took to set themselves apart for their faith. Not only were they practicing obedience, they were also sending a message to the world by something as simple as their dress.
When I got home, I went to a website that I always look to for wisdom and encouragement. Leslie Ludy, (author of When God Writes Your Love Story, Authentic Beauty, Set Apart Femininity, Wrestling Prayer, and a ton of other amazing books), has a website and online magazine at www.setapartgirl.com . Interestingly enough, in the Jan./Feb. issue, Leslie included an article called "Dressing with Selfless Style." She said something that seemed pretty accurate to me. "I have found that most modern girls either dress seductively or like slobs." As I sit here wearing an old t-shirt and tattered jeans, I'm going to admit that I all too often play the part of the slob. At first I thought, "Does God really care if I act like everyday is a casual Friday? Okay...a reallllyyyy casual Friday?" But as a kept reading, I realized that my dress might actually affect more than I thought.
Leslie said, "There is a big difference in how I feel on days when I've dressed hurriedly in sweats than on days when I put effort into my appearance.  When I am dressed sloppily, I am more prone to feel sloppy, lethargic, and unmotivated as I go about my daily tasks. But when I'm dressed with dignity, it brings value to the things I'm working on. It reminds me 'This task is important. It is deserving of my best attention and focus.'"  Wow. That's got me down to a tee. So many times I come home from school and exchange my professional clothes for sweats and then plop right down on the couch for some mindless tv and probably a nap. Might things be a little different if I created a peaceful workspace in my room and dressed with dignity more often? Now, I'm not saying that everyone needs to dress up everyday. That's just not practical. But, I know that this is something I need to explore.
So, that's my challenge for this week. Dressing with selfless style. Anyone wanna join me?

About Time...

I've really loved reading the blogs of friends and family, so I thought I'd start one myself. I can't say that I'm on a trip to an exotic place right now, nor do I have a family of my own to write about. But I can say that I'm on an incredible adventure. This semester is kind of a transition time for me.  I haven't graduated yet, but I'm not really in college either. I'm student teaching in the Pittsburgh area, and that requires me to live with my parents. 
The place that I've called home for the past four years is Penn State. I'll be honest, I felt a little cheated when I found out that my last semester of college would be spent at home.  Don't get me wrong, my parents are great. They are just, well you know, my parents. Anyway, I guess I came to terms with it.  The hardest part was saying goodbye to the community who has shaped, uplifted, and loved me while I was at college.  Most of you know that this community is called Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ). In Cru, I've met some of my closest friends, my roommates, and my boyfriend, Tim.
The biggest change that happened in my life at Penn State was the decision to pursue a relationship with my Savior and Creator. This is the incredible adventure that I was talking about. Everyday is a constant reminder of how much He loves me and how much I need Him. He is and will always be the constant in my life. He'll never change. His love for me can never be more or less. Yet, I constantly find myself striving for perfection in His eyes.  When I can't achieve it (which is always), I somehow convince myself that He loves me just a little less each time I fail. I know it isn't true. But I don't live like it's true. So, that's my journey right now. I want to live the life of a daughter of God, full of grace, joy, fulfillment, and satisfaction.
My secondary goal right now is to find a community in Pittsburgh. Student teaching is basically a full time job, so I don't have the excessive free time that I took for granted at Penn State, but I am still feeling the gap that was made when I said goodbye to Cru.
I guess this blog is going to document my ups and downs, triumphs and failures, and everything else that I learn on the way. So, wrapping up this song is really speaking to me tonight, and I hope it will encourage you too:)

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
-If You Want Me To -Ginny Owens